Hello. My name is Eryn, and I'm a Control Freak!

For those of you who don't know, I (Eryn) have started an online bible study through Melissa Taylor and Proverbs31 Ministries. The book we are using to guide us through is Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman. We are two chapters into the book, and already my eyes are being opened just a little wider, and my heart is being changed.
Hello, my name is Eryn and I am a control freak. More specifically, I am a manipulative control freak according to the control quotient test at the end of chapter 1, of which I got a quotient of 36. I manipulate others by:

1. I try and persuade others to see my point of view and take on the same opinion that I have so we will agree, and I will get my way. 
2. I agree to do SOME of the things people ask me to do so that they will "owe" me. Please don't take this to mean that if I have done something for you that it was so you would owe me. This is only true in certain situations. 
3. I control my family by letting/not letting them do something based on my wants, desires, and preferences. When they don't agree with me, I sulk until they do.
4. I use my chronic illness to make others feel sorry for me so that they will agree with me and I will, in turn, get my way. 

BUT, I have hope and so do you! By going through this study I hope to learn how to do the following two things:

1. To determine the difference between being conscientious (our/my part) and being in control (God's part)
2. To control what I (we) should and TRUST God with the rest. 

As I write the above, something else occurs to me. But first a little background, I am also going through Mark Driscoll's book Who Do You Think You Are? as part of my small group bible study. In the first chapter Mark talks about idols, and uses it as an acronym.

Items

Duties

Others

Longings

Sufferings

Now for the something else that occurred to me. As I finished writing about being a manipulative control freak, and went to hit publish, I hesitated. I hesitated, because admitting what I admitted above is difficult to do and there were two things that I DIDN'T want to happen.

1. I didn't want others to comment on this and not agree with my point of view. Controlling much? But this is something I already admitted to. And something I am working on fixing.
2. I am deathly afraid of what everyone who is reading this is going to think of me. That falls into the Others in IDOLS category. Guess I better get going on fixing this issue as well...#sigh.

I am so grateful to be going through both of these books. I am learning so much about myself, who God wants me to be and how to be that person. Please pray for me. Pray for the transformation that needs to take place in me. That I can become the woman God wants me to be.

-Eryn